Over the last 6 years or so I have been submersed in the exercise/fitness realm. I was a collegiate athlete, worked as a personal trainer, health educator, recreational center building supervisor, and even dabbled in the fine arts of group fitness. Trust me, i’ve seen some strange, bewildering, and to be honest unbelievable things in the gym (see: man eating sandwich while walking on a treadmill).
Over numerous altercations, instances, and astonishments, I have narrowed down what I feel are the 11 Commandments of Exercise/Fitness. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Feel free to comment below if you agree, disagree, or have more to add! Remember, be kind though because somewhere, at some point, you probably did one of these 🙂
1. ) Thou shalt not offer unsolicited advice, nor shall you tell unwarranted and outlandish glory stories of your bench pressing and squatting days.
2.) Thou shalt not text, BBM, e-mail, call, tweet, poke, Press This, StumbleUpon, Google+, update your status, unlock badges on foursquare, or Google while working out.
3.) Thou shalt not wear shorts of the booty variety, especially if you can not decipher whether they are actual shorts or something Victoria’s Secret models wear on the catwalk. We’re looking at you “Sassy” and “Juicy.”
4.) Thou shalt not lift heavy weights just for the sake of lifting heavy weights. Perfect your form and you will perfect your strength.
5.) Thou shalt not be afraid to ask a fitness professional how to properly do an exercise. Everyone will laugh at you if you throw-out your lower back doing a bicep curl.
6.) Thou shall wear clothes that properly fit your physique. We know you’re working hard to improve your health and your body, but there is nothing more unattractive than a person wearing a shirt so tight that their pizza crust is being squeezed out of their waistline. Flowing but fitting is the new sexy.
7.) Thou shalt not try to hold lengthy conversations in the locker room while parading around butt-naked. You may think you’re hot stuff, but there’s nothing more awkward than having to hold a conversation with someone, butt-naked. Eye contact becomes a game of pin ball and it immediately causes people to make uncomfortable, awkward hand gestures.
8.) Thou shalt not fart in yoga/Pilates class. We know, your body is being twisted, tortured, bent, and compressed all at the same time. However, there is still no excuse for firing intestinal ammunition at will. Simply excuse yourself politely, go to the bathroom or a dormant hall/room, let it rip, excuse yourself again, and go back to class. See, even you can be both classy and productive.
9.) Thou shall wipe down machines/equipment after use. Whether you think you sweated or not, wipe down your equipment. There is nothing more disgusting than slipping on or literally “off” a machine due to someone’s bodily fluids. Slip N’ Slides are meant for BBQs, college apartment complexes, and collegiate Olympics… not the gym!
10.) Thou shalt not be a creepy hover-rat while waiting for a piece of equipment. I will gladly respect the time limit; however, if I can feel you breathing or circling me like a piece of road kill on a Route 66, I will purposely workout longer than the limit permits. Go away and come back later!
11.) Thou shalt not imbibe in sugar-laden sports drinks whilst working out. If you’re at the gym to burn calories and lose weight, that 24 oz. tankard of Lemon-Lime Gatorade isn’t doing you any favors. Drink water. Plain old water.
Corey, I was actually walking around the gym at KC while working the other day and thinking about and seeing many of these!
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@Dane – It still astonishes me some of the things I see while working out. My personal favorite is when a guy will be doing arm curls or chest press and then lift up his shirt while starring at himself in the mirror to check out his abs. Swing and a miss buddy, swing and a miss.
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Can we print and post this in every gym from coast to coast? Because you’ve nailed it…
Of course, I just need to add a personal commandment due to my own lack of grace: Thou shalt not turn to look at the person behind you while exercising on the treadmill. Falling off the machine is an epic fail, right?
Fun post! 🙂
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Go right ahead! Just make sure you give us credit : )
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“Thou shalt not try to hold lengthy conversations in the locker room while parading around butt-naked.” ~ why is it that people break this commandment all the time?
All. The. Time.
Very funny post and Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! 😉
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Great list! Number 12 might go something like: Thou shalt not sing along to the music coming from your iPod that only you can hear!
Congrats on your FP!
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You should offer unsolicited advice at times. When someone is doing something that is injurious to self or a danger to others in the gym, stepping up with some advice is warranted. Deliver the advice kindly and quietly, and the person will probably appreciate it. It sounds to me like you’ve been working out with the twenty-somethings. A little further along the age spectrum, you’ll find that most of what you’ve noted is no longer a problem in the gym. Once perspective shifts to exercising for one’s health rather than for “looking buff”, the gym becomes a friendly, non-competitive place.
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Karl – great point. I try not to interfere with other people’s workouts unless I feel like they may be putting themselves in a compromising position or increasing their risk for injury. I’ve actually worked out with and trained people anywhere from ages 10 to 83 and from the chronically ill to elite athletes. I’ve been very lucky and blessed with my opportunities to date.
To me this post was more of a comical synopsis than a blanket statement. Thank you though for your phenomenal insight.
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I’ve never seen any buff naked guys in the locker room where I go. It’s always shriveled up 80-year-olds, so by nature I am forced to look away.
Rob, The Mainland
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Seriously, squats on a balance ball? People really do that?
Great post.
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May just have to print and post this at the gym.
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Ha! Love the picture of the gym with the Krispy Kreme table set up !!
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HAHAHA. Number seven is the absolute worst. It’s amplified if it’s at a pool inside the gym.
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These are great..I will be re-tweeting this! I especially like #s 3, 7, 8, and 10. Good stuff.
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I love these! Except for #3…ladies- please wear as little clothing as you like! Annnd then give me your number.
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Okay I love #8 because anyone who’s done those classes has either been there or heard that. Although for the record, (I suspect) it can be difficult to de-contort yourself in time to go out and use the facilities in some of those situations. So for those of you who hear that, be sympathetic.
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Totally agree!
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Thou shalt not go to a group fitness class, stand in the front and make up your own routine.
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I agree with you, except for number 10. Sometimes being a creepy hover-rat is the only way to get someone off the machine! If the sign-up sheet says you’re to be off at 2, be off at 2! Not ten after. It ruins not only my workout but the person that signed up after me. A couple of minutes I can deal with but anything more than that and I’ll jump on the elliptical with you.
Your list made me laugh out loud. Loved it!
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#12.) thou shall not pace the wieght room,grunting and puffing out your chest like its
Gorilla mating season. . . you only lifted 20 lbs 8 times!!!
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MEGA-LIKE!
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Amen to #3!!!!
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What an absoulute hilarious post! So true and so practical. I am also a college athelte and working out in a fancy gym or the school gym the rules you have laid out are usable at every gym. Not sure if I agree with the short clothes theory. I feel with clothes that reveal more, you can the muscle flexing and contracting while you work out. I think that is a positive way to work-out. Also from a personal experience I workout better when the hot 22 year old across from me is wearing the “sassy” pants, but thats just me, haha.
Some tips like the locker room conversation, naked, are so true! I really hope that frequent users of the gym see this. I also liked the gym manners rule about wiping down machines. There nothing more disgusting than touching someone elses sweat! Finally you rule about not texting!!! So perfect, especially in a college. There is always a line to use th equipment and I hate it when people are texting and talking on the phone between sets.
A real en
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Work on keeping your brain in shape also. Bulging pecs and biceps are fine but the mental muscles need a workout also.
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Great point! Thanks, Steven
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Great advice. For #1, modify: Thou shalt not constantly report on your glorious run/cycling/bench pressing record /feat every time in an internet forum. It gets boring. What are you, an exercising robot?
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LMAO, Ohmygosh. Your list is so smack-on that it’s actually funny. People do those things and there really should be rules in all gyms. The pilates, farting, thing: hopefully people can control themselves.
Val
http://valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com
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I think I’m going to have to post this next to the instructions for the machines…too funny, too true!
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Sooo classic and I completely agree with these commandments! Thank you for making gyms a better place with humor, too! 😀
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So funny but so true. I see most of this all the time 🙂
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Great list, and so very true! Hope more people follow those commandments – thanks for sharing them and congrats on being freshly pressed!
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10 commandments you should definitely gym by ahahahah….Good stuff, humorous yet informative post.
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Sooooo true on all accounts!
#9 is my biggest pet peeve: There is a young family at my gym, and the guy ALWAYS sweats his butt off on the treadmill and then walks away without wiping. It is so bad, that there are pools of sweat on the little shelf under the display that they provide to hold up your magazine and books. A POOL for goodness sakes. And sweat drips off the display. Disgusting.
And seriously you #7’s out there, who INSIST on drying every inch, and then apply lotion to all parts of their body, with one leg up on the bench, and then walking back and forth back and forth in the locker room to grab a paper towel, or wash your hands or some silly little thing that you could just as easily do with pants on. Just because you’re comfortable with being naked, doesn’t mean that everyone else needs to be made comfortable with you being naked. What the ef?
Fabulous post! Congrats on the FP 🙂
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Great list. Very funny.
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I totally agree with you ! 😀
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excellent list, I’ve just started to go to the gym, needs too be posted at the gym
do you have a list for training for the marathon? I want to run NYC next year
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Eww I HATE it when people don’t wipe off the machines after themselves! It’s always the big meaty guys who sweat the most that do it, too! 😛
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Corey
Founder of RemixYourHealth
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I have not been at a gym for some time but, oh, the memories.
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Hahahaha. Great post. Krispy Kreme at the gym….wow. I might be guilty of sometimes mouthing the words to my songs lol and maybe I have sang them I’m not sure. I really dislike when guys just walk around holding their arms out back and forth to the water fountain and around to all the mirrors and don’t really work out or break a sweat doing anything.
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This is hysterically funny and too true!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
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Ok but sometimes #8 isn’t a choice – these were so funny. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
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Isn’t it strange how we start doing something for one reason and soon become experts in all sorts of others things, like human motivation, style, manners and music?
Ronnie
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Loved the list, and I must admit, I have been on a cardio machine and conference call at the same time (hands free of course)….and I did get a call back at the end of the call, they were worried if I was ok because I sounded winded on the call! LOL I was…
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great article! I loved all of the commandments. Congrats on bieng Fresh Press
http://www.eartharoundus.wordpress.com
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Nice random post I found here. I just emailed a link to it to my fitness instructor friend, lol. I have been thinking all day that I’ve got to discipline myself and keep working out. I just arrived home worried that I’ll sit in front of my computer and lose all motivation as I start to fart around online. Funny. I will now do…. something! Anything! Can’t! Quit!
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I agree on pretty much everything but I personally don’t mind seeing the “Juicy” shorts. Why complain about a good thing?
I’m a runner and not so much a gym ray but I think I have some things that could still apply:
Thou shalt stretch before and after working out.
and
Thou shalt hydrate. When it comes to your urine, clear and copious is how it should be!
Great post! Thanks for the laugh 🙂
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LOVE THIS! You are too funny! Congrats on being FP’d!
Anonymity is key at the gym. I would add, “Thou shalt not ask perfect strangers to ‘hold’ your machine for you while you go to the bathroom.”
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In general, my observation is that it’s younger men who are uncomfortable being naked in the locker room. Older generations grew up swimming naked at the quarry hole, showering in the gang showers after PE class at school, etc. Naked was never a big deal among men. Then the courts ruled that students couldn’t be required to take showers after PE class, and lawyers started suing quarry owners every time a kid got hurt. Now young men don’t know how to handle naked…unless it’s leering at a lap dancer.
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The commandment goes double for old naked bodies. I have one and that is why I’m at the gym. Dude, I don’t even like looking at my own naked body.
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It’s good that you’re trying to maintain fitness, but being ashamed of nakedness in the locker room makes about as much sense as being ashamed to kneel in church. It’s all part of being comfortable with who you are, and who you’re not.
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Awesome list! Check out my commandments specific to running on a public track! 🙂 http://bodybybeth.wordpress.com/2011/11/14/running-vents/
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Interesting. I have to admit that I’ve seen a lot of these. Though I must say, about number 8, that sometimes you let it out by accident. I have to admit that I’ve done this once or twice, and every time, I didn’t know that I needed to let it out until it actually came out. Also, by leaving the class without a blatant “I have to fart/use the restroom/take this call,” it can appear very rude. And you miss out on any moves that might be coming up. Then you have to figure the… figure out, too embarrassed to ask.
Well, at least I would be that way. But, anyway, I really liked the rest of your article. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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I needed some inspiration to hit the gym today. This gave me a good laugh; I gotta stop stressing the gym and just go!
Nice post. Congrats on gettin’ Freshly Pressed.
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Love it, Corey! I have to say though, #8 is tricky! If it’s an accident, a polite “namaste” usually gets some laughs in the right studio 🙂
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I totally vote for #9. Please care for the equipments.
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nice article. I like the 11th one, I always see some people with Monster drinks and Red bulls, not to be judgmental but it looked like their the people that workout once in while. In my head I’m like dude, your going to die on the treadmill, especially later after your work out. Passed out. Water is the way to go, gym water fountains, not so much….Also what about…”Thou shall not shout like Chubaka when lifting heavy weights”. I see other people lifting even more heavy weights but they don’t yell to get themselves to finish the set….lol
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Thanks for the post. Made me laugh today and a good motivation for exercise
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Good list. I’d also include Stop judging the overweight people who are working out, because they’re at a freaking gym. Unless, of course, they’re eating on a treadmill because then they’re just asking for it.
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You’re absolutely right. Overweight people at the gym should be honored and encouraged. They’re trying to do something to stave off Type 2 diabetes, obesity, strokes and heart problems. If legions more joined them, health care costs in the US would come down. So do your part for the country next time you’re at the gym and make sure those who are overweight and working out have a comfortable experience. And feel free to educate those that are rude to the overweight at the gym. Such rudeness is a complete lack of class and there is no reason to tolerate it.
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Awesome list.Congrats on gettin Freshly Pressed.
http://www.booksforever1.wordpress.com
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Genius. Simply genius. Especially the sassy and juicy things… I mean, really? Yikes.
Also, loving the krispey kreme stand at the gym. That’s total class.
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these are fantastic and gave me a good laugh too!
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haha these are very funny
I do have to say though that I’m guilty of texting, IM’ing during a workout. I workout long and hard and need things to do to keep things flowing along… so yeah I’m guilty.
Spot on about the creepy, naked, old guy though lol
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Hilarious!
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These need to be carved into stone and placed at the front door of every gym establishment world wide! Great post!
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Haha clever and practical! Brilliant!
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congratulation ! this is top in wp.com
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Quite a nice list you have compiled here. If you extended your thoughts to pool usage…what would the commandments be then?
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Not sure if someone already said this but how about ‘Thou shalt not grunt loud enough to wake the dead in an effort to ensure everyone realises how much you’re pressing.’ 😛
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Very good blog about to enhance awareness about our physical health. Nice post and The 11 Commandments of Exercise are interesting !
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I so wanna work out and get in shape, but im just sooo soooooo damn lazy… Any tips?
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The motivating factor for many is to pay money to join a fitness class. Most people feel like they want to get their money’s worth, and over time, the people in the class can become a support group that urges you on. Fitness isn’t a competition; it’s something you do for yourself so you have a greater capacity to embrace life.
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LOVE LOVE LOVE # 3 and 6!!
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Interesting post…I go with the #7,8 and 10
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Off the top of my head, I can think of several reasons why someone wouldn’t have clothes that fit their physique. The thing is, though, that none of those reasons matter, because no one has any kind of responsibility to look attractive to you.
If someone is comfortable being naked in a locker room, more power to them. The problem is solely yours if it makes you uncomfortable.
And also, there is nothing inherently bad about farts, and sometimes people can’t help them coming despite assuredly wanting to. Farts happen in yoga and pilates, and most people accept that.
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Good post. I totally agree with your points.
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“No one has any kind of responsibility to look attractive to you.” I like that. I like that a lot. There are some people out there who need to keep this in mind. thanks for saying/writing it.
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This is brilliant !
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@coreymatthew – great list!
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Number 8 is so funny! When someone politely excuses himself/herself from the next Pilates class I’m in, I should know why.
And thank you for including number 9 on your list of commandments! There is absolutely nothing more disgusting than accidentally touching something slimy and sticky on the handles of exercising equipment. Super unhygienic, really.
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I totally agree to this! I had the same things happen to me at a gym!
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LOL
even the normotype of “bodybuilder” is everywhere almost the same,I think we could go over the eleven commandements
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12) try not to breathe in too heavily. It might be someone’s fart.
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If only more people would read this…it would definitely take some of the pain out of going to the gym!
~Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One
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It’s too bad you’re still in the “fitness is painful” stage. But stick with it. After 10-15 years, you’ll be so addicted to being fit that the gym is the first place you’ll want to be everyday. Or maybe just change gyms to find a nicer group of people.
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Oddly enough I’ve met people from every category on this, but none of them were at the gym lol
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Good list, now if only people will listen!
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#2 Really annoys me.
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They should put these up as rules in every gym!! The two golden ones are:
6.) Thou shall wear clothes that properly fit your physique. We know you’re working hard to improve your health and your body, but there is nothing more unattractive than a person wearing a shirt so tight that their pizza crust is being squeezed out of their waistline. Flowing but fitting is the new sexy.
2.) Thou shalt not text, BBM, e-mail, call, tweet, poke, Press This, StumbleUpon, Google+, update your status, unlock badges on foursquare, or Google while working out.
…and I’d add one more.
Thou shalt not simply sit on the resistance training machines looking fat and folorn. No wonder you are not losing any weight. Sitting there texting is not exercise. And you’re in my way!
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love it. especially “Thou shalt not offer unsolicited advice”…i hate that! leave me be! i am one of those people who is not afraid to ask a professional, so let me get it from the experts!
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Hahahahahahahah Commandment 8 is the best .. it cracked me up big time … great post and so true
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I think I may have broken each of these commandments. Forgive me, for I have sinned.
In other questions, I was wondering about your thoughts on the Insanity program. I’ve been successfully procrastinating about, but am about to jump back in the saddle. Thoughts?
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Ok, so my thoughts on programs like Insanity, P90X, Cross Fit, etc are as follows:
These programs are effective to a certain degree. Many of them are designed to be high intensity, high volume, or a combination of the two and are designed to be appealing to people who really want an extreme workout. For most of these designed workouts they involve the main aspects of fitness — cardiovascular, muscular strength, muscular endurance, and flexibility. However, if you are just starting to work out for the first time ever or even in a long time, I would suggest slowly trying to build up a fair base of cardiovascular endurance, muscular strength & endurance, and flexibility before jumping into one of these programs. Although programs like P90X and insanity allow you to work at your own pace, it’s a lot to throw at a sedentary body at one time.
Typically someone will just into these programs last 1-2 levels and become so sore or even injured that it turns them off from working out completely.
Instead, try incorporating cardio, some form of circuit training, and flexibility into your workouts until you feel more confident in your fitness abilities. Then you can ease into programs such as P90X at your own pace and level of comfort.
By all means please speak with your doctor or a medical professional before participating in any type of exercise plan our routine. And remember, the three mentioned above are not designed for the general population and if it’s not meant for you, that’s ok. I hope this helps!
Good luck!
– Corey
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#8 is dumb. If we are at the gym to work out, then do not be offended at someone’s inability to simultaneously push their body to adaptation and follow your own rules of “classy.” You are at the gym to work out, or you are at the gym to sneer at someone else who is actually working out. As a commandment, this is a major fail. A better commandment is:
#8. Do not judge others negatively because they cannot do what you can do. They are trying. At one point, you looked stupid too, or you still do.
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Thank you all so much for your comments, remarks, responses, and suggestions! My writers and I will do our best to respond to your questions over the next week or so as all of us either have full-time jobs or are students working hard towards improving the health of this nation.
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Have a happy and healthy day!
Much love,
– Corey
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So great. The guys who bench press WAY more than they can handle but do it super quick accompanied with manly noises kill me… we see through your sham. And no, we are not watching because we are impressed.
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I think these are pretty good commandments. My main ones, which you’ve basically said, are:
1. Don’t tell someone else how to best workout (unless, maybe, you’re the professional and being asked). Everyone has their own style that works best for them.
2. Don’t talk on your cell phone, or gossip with your girlfriend (who’s walking beside you taking up the “passing lane”) while running on the track! In fact, don’t talk on a cell phone while in the gym, period.
3. If you’re at a machine, make sure you’re using it. Don’t rest on it for twenty minutes as someone may be waiting for that machine.
4. Don’t engage strangers for chit chat in the locker room. Some people want to get in and get out as fast as possible.
5. Wear appropriate work out clothes!
and lastly, be nice or encouraging to people, if possible. No “you fat ass” or “they’re not even trying” or “I can bench more” cracks.
This isn’t a golden rule, but a personal pet peeve, please let their be good workout music (like classic rock), not some sappy alterna-ballad whiny rock crap that’d put your poodle to sleep.
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I have one more. If you’ve signed up for a machine, such as treadmill #3, and someone is on treadmill #3, yet treadmill #2 is open and perfectly operational, don’t stand petulantly and bitchy in front of #3 to “make a point” (or whatever it is you’re doing) and give that person a hard time. #3 isn’t “your” treadmill, it isn’t magically better. just hop on the open one.
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Reblogged this on ClickClack and commented:
LOL XD
I agree with it xD
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Really funny and so true. I remember one day at the gym when me and my friend meet his professor butt naked in the locker room, and he was trying to hold a conversation with us, so awkward.
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Ingenious post. Making small talk in the locker room is definitely a “no” on my list. Where I’m living though, it’s rampant.
For number 11, I’ll 1up you on the Gatorade. In many of the gyms in East Asia, at least Korea, I’ve found people smoking in the bathrooms! A total contradiction of health.
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These are exactly why I wish I had my own personal gym.
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Love it! Especially #11! You don’t need gatorade/sports drinks unless you are depleting muscle glycogen basically exercising an hour 1/2 or more. Even then gatorade with its artificial colors would not be my first choice. It really cracks me up when I see people do this. Or women who drink vitamin waters during/after they work out, especially if they are diet. I agree with one of the other commenters lets print this and post in every gym coast to coast.
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Irrespective of the country, the comments are true. Great post.
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RE #6: I believe that no one should ever have occasion to only wear a bra in public. I don’t care if it’s called a “sports” bra. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to wear a shirt over it. Fat or thin, I don’t care. Cover your midriff. It makes me uncomfortable when I find myself staring at another woman’s stomach for extended periods of time.
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Thanks so much for this article! I especially love number 10!!
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im also a figure conscious person inspite of being guy, not gay of course, some people think it is lame to be too concious with your figure but i definitey object, anyways, quite funny thoughts on your list of commandments, i just cant bare the other rules,eheh
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A little further along the age spectrum, you’ll find that most of what you’ve noted is no longer a problem in the gym. Once perspective shifts to exercising for one’s health rather than for “looking buff”, the gym becomes a friendly, non-competitive place.
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I’ve learn a few good stuff here. Definitely value bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how a lot attempt you put to create the sort of excellent informative web site.
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Wonderful commandments of Exercise. Very true.
Cheers, Sangeetha
hwlhblog.com
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Can I just say what a relief to find somebody who really is aware of what theyre speaking about on the internet. You definitely know how one can deliver an issue to light and make it important. Extra individuals need to read this and understand this facet of the story. I cant imagine youre not more standard since you undoubtedly have the gift.
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Thanks for posting good Commandments of Exercise. It may be very helpful for active persons.
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I very much enjoy your blog here, thank you so much you have helped me out greatly Smile spread the love.
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Thou shall never attempt those squats on the balance ball without the supervision of a proper instructor. You could end up breaking up anything… 🙂
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This is a great read! Especially now, since all of the gym noobies are in the gym for the month of January.
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